My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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