Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
