I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
