yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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