On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
