There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
