tell your sister to shave her snatch
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
