i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
