party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
