before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
