I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
