he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
