When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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