hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
