on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
