It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
