im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
