You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
