On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
