i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
