I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
