How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
