I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Randomize
