dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You can't motorboat a personality
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
