i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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