i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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