Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
