i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
