Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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