Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
