yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
