The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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