he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
