I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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