im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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