none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
