p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
