Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
