??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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