Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
