I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
