Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
