i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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