im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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