She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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