there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
