when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
