Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
