Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
