youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
