she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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