K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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