I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we're so committed to being not committed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
