I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize