your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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