I want to stick my p in your. b.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dear god my vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
