I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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