i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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