is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
