a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
