Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
