I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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