Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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