problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
