Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
