are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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