I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
