I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
