he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just gift wrapped bread.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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