Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize