I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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