just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
