This girl is more easily done than said...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
