At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
