so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So here I am, sexting at work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
