if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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