Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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