why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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