She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
