you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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