So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
