I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
