Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
