He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
