He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
