It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
