Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
