life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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